Last week I lost all internet connection. Everything looked like it was working correctly but I just couldn’t get on to the internet and send or receive e mails.
I rang all the usual suspects, my daughter, a local engineer, no avail, (at least not on the phone.)
Caitriona said that it was a broadband problem, get on to Tececom (I only have broadband for a month or so.)

Now I loathe talking to these slick IT experts on these helplines. They talk in jargon and make huge presumptions about my technical abilities-which are zilch-and they charge a fortune by the minute for doing so.

I was however backed into a corner having none of my technically literate daughters at home, it was just me and a talking charging anorak to get me back on the internet.
(How, I say to my self, did I manage before……..)
There was a minor temptation to kick the machine hard and pretend it had broken irreparably but, I took my courage in my hands, and proceeded.

I explained my problem to the, I must say quite pleasant sounding , man at the other end. I went on to say that I was a 55 year old computer illeterate so please go slowly.

He said he thought he knew what the problem was and to get myself a biro or pencil. I thought I was going to have at least an hour of writing ahead followed by complicated workings on the machine so, expecting the worst, I did as I was told.

“Now ” he said ” Pick up your modem and stick the pencil in the hole in the back”.
(there followed a short hiatus while he explained what and where my modum was.)
Then I did just as he asked.
He than told me to type up 192.168.1.254 on my address thingie.
Then, Nirvana!! I was back on air.

This to me has shades of how my mother used to start the hoover by twiddling the flex in the plug.
On request (I was after all paying still) he explained that I had a “lazy Modum”
“so do you mean to say” said I “that by twiddling a pencil about in its backside you shock into action again”. I was answered with a dubious “Yes”

A week later, no recurrance, so I can now share my new found technical expertise with you.
Should your computer break down you now know what to do.
(I’m sure it should work for the tele and the fridge too.)