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The Sad and Sorry Sprinkler Tale

March 8, 2014
14:40 PM

Today, in the Super U, Síle spotted a lawn sprinkler, a fairly simple device which you stick in the ground and it then rotates and sprays at the same time thereby watering our little patch of grass which, after one of the mildest and driest winters for years, badly needed some attention.
Later I was roused out of my book on the terrace by a protest that “The hose doesn’t seem to be working “. So I descended to see what I could do.
It seemed obvious that she hadn’t stuck in the hose far enough into the device so I did just that.I lifted it out of the turf and jammed the hose further into the sprinkler.
Then it started to work.
It started to spray water in an even and circular spray.
She hadn’t turned it off before I fixed it.
I had a certain dilemma. As fast as I rotated the device in my hands the inevetible circular spray rotated faster and drowned me.I tried and failed to extract the hose from its now very snug orifice- this was byond me. So I stood there madly rotating the sprinkler device in my hand and failing miserably in my attempts to avoid getting thoroughly soused every time it rotated. I called for assistance from my wife who was still standing nearby but I regret to have to tell you that my disloyal spouse was laughing so hard that she wasn’t able to turn off the tap.
I can already feel your shock at her callousness.
Eventually she did , weak and weeping, manage to turn off the tap.
I may speak to her again some day.

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  Martin Dwyer
Consultant Chef