Now that I am semi-retired with much more free time than my wife, who still teaches, she reckoned that it was about time I started to tackle some of the house work.
As a 57 year old male I am, I think , reasonably well house trained. The kitchen holds no fears for me and I can, should I feel the need, tackle the hoovering/ dusting tasks (the fact that I don’t feel the need as often as my wife is irrelevant)
The one black hole in my house skills canon however, and that one that my wife determined to rectify, is laundry.
Not being prepared as yet to trust to me the higher levels of the washing machine, with its pitfalls of colours and fabric types involving one in the third level skills of sorting and reading washing instructions, my wife decided to start by giving me a series of tutorials on ironing.
I had up to this always imagined that I could iron and had been known to rub the iron over something if needed.
That this involved only taking the creases out of those parts which would be exposed to the world was, I assumed a general practice.
However it must be confessed that if I was appearing anywhere where I was likely to be closely observed I would get herself to do the pressing.

It is now about three months since I started to iron and I think I am getting the hang of it, so much so that I have decided to share my new found skills with the world.

First thing to do is to have ready a hanger hanging on a hook somewhere clean ready to receive the crisp freshly ironed shirt.
Then set up the ironing board.
(If you haven’t already been shown how to do this it may take some time, I speak from experience here)
Next plug in the iron and then fill it with water should it be a steam iron.
(If it isn’t don’t)
Next read the label on the shirt with its ironing instructions (this is the little picture of an iron on a label, usually hidden down a side seam.)
Count the amounts of dots on the picture of the iron and then set the iron on a setting with one dot more than the picture. (the manufacturers always err on the side of caution in this, should you believe them you will spent hours of effort pressing to no avail. All women are born knowing this fact.)
Now shake out the shirt and, as if you were hiring a car and checking it for scratches or dents, check for previous stains or scorch marks.
If you find any mark their exact location on a chart.

The first thing to press is the collar.
This like all parts of the shirt should be ironed inside out.
(this reduces the risk of scorch marks on the side that shows)
However as we in fact wear our collars inside out this is the one piece you press on the outside.
Work from the outside edge of both sides of the collar in towards the middle, this way you avoid unsightly creases at the front seam of the collar.

Now, holding the shirt inside out, hold it by the seam that runs across the back under the collar, this is –I believe- called the yoke, or else the yolk or else something completely different. I am relying on my mother’s term here and she, it turns out, was an most unreliable witness.
She may well have called it the yoke on the basis that she couldn’t remember its proper name.
Now iron this yolk/yoke carefully.
The next bit to tackle are the sleeves, first the cuffs.
The cuffs are a bit of a doddle, just lay them inside out and hammer away.
The sleeves are a different matter altogether.
Apparently it is a sign of extreme lack of skill to leave creases on a sleeve, this is how you avoid it.
With the sleeve inside out take it by the seam and then smooth the whole sleeve down with your hand.
Now iron the sleeve but, and this is the tricky bit, stop just before you get to the edge of the length.
Now reverse the sleeve and on the other side do exactly the same.
Because sleeves are not symmetrical you will have miraculously managed to iron all the sleeve and have left no crease.
(If you can’t manage this the first time don’t worry, the knack eventually comes with practice)
A small note here, don’t proceed to the main body of the shirt without doing the second sleeve.
It is extremely disappointing to arrive at a triumphant conclusion only to find an unironed sleeve hanging guiltily from the side of the crisp shirt.
I speak from experience again here.

The next stage is to tackle the main body of the shirt.
Start with the back and iron the tail, that is that piece which stretches from the yolk/yoke down. This bit too is a doddle.
Next bit to do is the side with the buttons.
This bit also requires a little care.
Laying the shirt inside out press away on the body and then cautiously approach the placket on which are hung the buttons.
(Excuse me for being a little technical here)
Now I have two methods for tackling these.
The differing methods depend on my mood and the thickness of the buttons.
Method one is to hammer away over the buttons as if they weren’t there, this gets the placard reasonably flat and is the fastest. (Remember this will be fully hidden by the placard holding the buttonholes)
The disadvantage of this method is that sometimes this causes a button to shoot off its moorings, or, more unusual this , melt.
Either way this can involve one in the skill of “sewing” which is a different one altogether to ironing and one where I am sorry I can’t help you.
The safer, if slower option is that once you come to the button area you then make little incursions with the mere point of the iron in and out of the spaces between the buttons.
Then, and this one I still find tricky, you have to press that tiny area of cloth between the buttons and the edge.
This has to be done by reversing the shirt and daring to iron on its correct side.

Last and easiest bit, like the biblical best wine , is that side which has the button holes. The only potential disaster area on this is should it contain a pocket.
First check that the pocket is totally empty.
Then approach the whole area with caution, turning frequently to make sure that the pocket hasn’t got itself into a pleat.
Take your time, it usually works out in the end.

And then that is it.
Now take the shirt carefully and hang it on its awaiting hanger, then move it out of any dangerous areas and into a sterile environment as soon as you can.

Then proceed with the next one..