My long suffering doctor got a little tetchy with me when I last went to see him a few weeks ago.
All my bad graphs were on the ascendent and he informed me that it was again time to go on a diet.

Dread Words.

Like Mark Twain, and giving up tobacco I must love diets, I start into them all the time. I have now done all the various types.
Atkins, Conley, Weight Watchers, I have tried them all.
If only, I could give up food as easily as I relinquished cigarettes.

That in its turn led me to the question;
How, in the name of all that’s Holy, did weak willed me manage to give up the fags?
Well I had crutches, quite a few.

Nicotine Patches- to keep the heart beating.
Extra-Strong Mints- to keep the mouth and throat in pain as was their wont.
Extra- Strong Coffee, by the bucketful, to keep the heart thumping and the hands occupied.

After some time with these various crutches I was eventually able to walk unaided.
All that took place in 1991 and I have been Nicotine free since then.
Not even one pull, (except in my dreams, when I am forever going back on the buggers)

No real regrets either except an unfortunate thickening of the waist.

About five years ago my Doctor (who is a good friend) told me it was time to lose this weight.
I was heading fast towards stroke, diabetes,heart disease.
For a year I was very good.
I lost one and a half stone.

Then gradually I started to slide.
After Christmas this year I was right back where I started.

Time for a new start.

Examining my past success with giving up the fags I decided that this time I needed a crutch.
Well I have found one, and from a most unexpected quarter.

Here.

Everytime I feel myself unable to survive without a cheese and cracker or toast and jam or even to gorge ravenously on the cold mashed potato in the fridge I make myself a cup of hot Marmite and (as they used to say in the ads for PLJ) my longing for fatty foods just fades, fades away………..

The proof of the pudding (me) is as ever in the eating (or lack of)
I am now about three weeks into my Marmite Diet and can report the loss of 9 Pounds, or 4 Kilograms or a little over a half a stone.

I will keep you all informed.