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ATISHOO !

March 27, 2014
08:28 AM

I have a formidable sneeze, I know exactly where I got it- we could echo-locate my father, even in a packed church at sunday mass, just by his sneeze. On the whole it is a fairly useless talent and sometimes a downright nuisance. If I sneeze on our terrace, which you must temember is perched on top of the village, on a warm, peaceful sunday morning while reading the paper, the whole of the village is woken up by every dog who, assuming that they are being invaded by a monster, will set off on a round of frantic barking. My very worst sneezing bouts are triggered by drinking a modest glass of Vin Rouge the previous night, and so it happened this morning.
Síle got down first and so was ensconced by the PC while me, the tardier, had to make do with the very arthritic laptop. After about 10 minutes of tapping when it had succeeded in downloading about one eighth of our mail and only the title of facebook I felt a sneeze arising and I confess that my level of frustration was such that I let it RIP.
Every string in the nearby piano strummed itself to life and my ancient laptop immediately, in fright, downloaded all our post and opened the facebook page fully while making little bleating noises.
At last, I have discovered a use for the Dwyer Sneeze, I may just take up sniffing snuff- cheaper than a new laptop.

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  Martin Dwyer
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